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Five Game Parlay: Week 17

It is time for the final week of the Five Game Parlay! I always root for a lot of drama, but this year there will be no drama. Going into the final week, after another 3-2 mark, I have a big enough lead that I can’t be caught! With that said these losers…..I mean my friends……will be playing for second place. It is a tale of worst to first for Hallam after embarrassing himself and losing to a toddler and having a record seven games under .500. It was nearly wire to wire as I was tied for first place in Week 6 and never surrendered it again. It will be very interesting to see who gets the silver medal. We have funny man Jonesy, last year’s champion, currently sitting #2, but Steve is just one game behind and Kristi (with Random.org) still within shouting distance of that coveted second seat.

Just want to take a minute to thank you all for following us this year, please hit us up on Twitter, and big thanks to Jonesy, Steve, and Kristi for being so great with the picks all season.

Five Game Parlay Week 17

Ryan       46-32-2 (3-2) @fightingchance
Jonesy    39-39-2 (4-1) @funnyjones
Steve      38-41-1 (2-3) @fantasygeek37
Kristi       36-41-3 (1-4)

Ryan’s Championship Picks

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This is the only time I will say this but Goooooo Seahawks!

Seattle Seahawks (-9.5) over San Francisco 49ers. Leave it to my stupid team to go out and win a game when they are fighting for the number one pick in the draft. Stupid Rams! Stupid Chip Kelly going for two! OK, rant over. Seattle is still playing for the second seed in the NFC playoffs and that first round bye. They should make the 49ers a skidmark in Steve’s drawers. This one could get very ugly as Seattle could win by more than 20.

Baltimore Ravens (+2.5) over Cincinnati Bengals. Neither team has anything to play for, but I bet the Ravens want to go out a winner. Steve Smith has said that this will be his last game, and that should motivate Joe Flacco to pass him the ball plenty. The Baltimore defense has been one of the best all season long and that should be enough to give them the win outright. Cincinnati’s defense has been as holey as Steve’s drawers and will have trouble containing the Ravens. The 2.5 points is just gravy for me.

Chicago Bears (+5) over Minnesota Vikings. If you did nothing but watch game film from the last three or so weeks of these two teams I think you would expect Minnesota to be 3-12 and Chicago to be 7-8. While the Bears aren’t winning many, they are at least competitive while Minnesota has been in a total free fall. The offense stinks (yes, like Steve’s ass), the defense has regressed, and even Matt Barkley can outplay Sam Bradford these days.

Arizona Cardinals (-6) over Los Angeles Rams. Speaking of messes (and no, I’m not talking about Steve’s underpants), the Rams are a complete disaster as well. They lost to the 49ers for Christ sake! The Cardinals will keep Todd Gurley in check, and the Rams defense will have no answer for David Johnson. Arizona is a far superior team, and even on the road I expect them to win by at least ten.

New England Patriots (-9.5) over Miami Dolphins. Who cares about this one? I’ve already won the competition!!!!!! Whoooooooo hoooooooooo!

Jonesy’s Picks

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It’s gonna be sad without our weekly updates on Jonesy’s life

Jonesy here are my picks and I have to say I had a great time this year. Of course I had a disappointing season – barely at .500 but that’s because I was distracted by life. What distraction you say? Well, for one I was taken hostage by Isis the first week of November and during those 2 weeks a fundamentalist Islamic soldier made my pics for me. Initially I was concerned because what could a soldier in the middle of a faraway desert possibly know about American Football? They don’t even have cable! But surprisingly, he helped me have my best week of the season. Apparently if you pray to Allah and face a certain direction you can get some great insight into the outcome of faraway sporting contests.

I also want to apologize to those of you who are hoping to finish in a respectable second place. That is not going happen because I am going 5-0 this week. I always finish the season with a 5-0 week. That’s just the way I do it around here.

Happy New Year.
Much Love.
As Always.
Jonesy

Denver Broncos (-1) over Oakland Raiders
Kansas City Chiefs (- 5.5) over San Diego Chargers
Seattle Seahawks (- 9.5) over San Francisco 49ers
Washington Redskins (- 8) over New York Giants
Atlanta Falcons (- 6.5) over New Orleans Saints

Steve’s Picks

Baltimore Ravens (+2.5) over Cincinnati Bengals. Steve Smith Sr. has announced that this will be his final game in the NFL, as he will retire and start a knitting club out of his house. I have a feeling that Joe Flacco will look his way early and often, and he could have a huge day in his last game as a pro. AJ Green has already been ruled out and Jeremy Hill may sit as well, so this game has blowout written all over it.

Philadelphia Eagles (-4) over Dallas Cowboys. It appears that with nothing left to play for, Dallas will give a much needed rest to guys like Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Elliott and Dez Bryant. While I expect the starters to play a little, I don’t foresee them going deep into the game and that tells me that Philly could sneak out a win against the Cowboy backups. When I hear that Mark “Buttfumble” Sanchez may see a majority of reps at quarterback, my brain (as limited as it’s capacity is) tells me to bet the Eagles.

Cleveland Browns (+6) over Pittsburgh Steelers. The Browns got their first win last week!!! Can they now get their second “W” in a row? Well, the Steelers have already announced that Big Ben, Lev Bell and Antonio Brown will sit this one out, so with the likes of Landry Jones, Eli Rogers and possibly Fitzgerald Toussaint leading the Pittsburgh offense, I think they have a great shot at it. Fellow competitor Kristi can revel in a two game win streak and the Browns can now start preparing for which quarterback they will draft with the number one overall pick in the NFL draft.

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Steve has a love/hate relationship with his Lions. Will they break his heart again?

Green Bay Packers (-3) over Detroit Lions. I may sound like a negative Nellie here, but as a life long Lions fan, I’m still expecting them to lose this game and miss the playoffs. However, as bad as I have been making my picks this season, I’m hoping selecting the Packers causes me to lose this pick and the Lions will win this game and take the NFC North. It’s a win-win proposition! Unless the Packers win by less than three points that is, which is now the likely outcome of this game…

Atlanta Falcons (-6.5) over New Orleans Saints. The Falcons are still playing for a first round bye and that tells me that they aren’t going to take their foot off the pedal. This game is in Atlanta and with Drew Brees not being as effective on the road as he is at home, I think Atlanta will cruise to an easy victory. Julio Jones may have derailed my fantasy playoff run in two different leagues, but he will help the Falcons in theirs.

Kristi’s Picks

Congrats Ryan! Stop eating all the Crayons.  I like snacks too! 😀 ~Kristi

As we head into the Final Stretch, Random.org has failed me. I have three amazing opponents in this Parlay thing. Ryan finally has a reason to kiss his Bicep all on his own merits! Since Jonesy, Steve and I are playing for 2nd, 3rd and Last, I’ve got nothing to lose. There were some Christmas Miracles so I’m going to root for some New Years Miracles as well. Thank you for letting me play! It’s been a fun season.

Detroit Lions (+3) over Indianapolis Colts. The Geek has been a very good teacher. So good, that in the Fantasy Football League they let me play in, I beat him for 3rd in one of the ugliest wins possible. As Ryan would say, it was still I win. My Defense slot ended up empty. Kind of as effective as the Colts offensive line. I’m rooting for Steve’s Lions as his 4th place condolence prize, since I am not so good at this Parlay thing. Ha!

New England Patriots (-9.5) over Miami Dolphins. I will never be able to watch Tom Brady play again without picturing Jonesy staring at the TV longingly. If only Tom would remember to give just one glance by looking at the Camera. Maybe even a little wink. That would be perfect. The Patriots aren’t going to dump it to the Dolphins again like they did Week 17 last Season. Brady will win. He’s not about to be shown up by Garoppolo’s performance earlier in the season.

Sorry Kristi, your Browns are going to have the #2 pick this year!

Cleveland Browns (+6) over Pittsburgh Steelers. Christmas Miracles! The Browns Finally won last week! Robert Griffin III finally got my Dawgs a win and gets a concussion in the process. I thought Vegas was about to go Broke on the shutout season. The Steelers will be resting up some of their best. No reason to risk them getting injured against the Browns. Go for Two! A girl can Dream. I believe in Unicorns again.

San Francisco 49ers (+9.5) over Seattle Seahawks. More Christmas Miracles! Not only did the Browns win last week, but somehow Santa was able to throw Ryan a bone last week too.  The 49ers and Browns won in the same week. Not a lot of people saw that one coming. Seattle still has a shot at a Bye if they win and Atlanta loses. I did manage to beat my other awesome Teacher, Ryan, in the Fantasy league we played in together.  Enjoy your redemption in the parlay Brother.  I’m going to cheer for more miracles. We have to dream Ryan. Always dream.

Oakland Raiders (+1) over Denver Broncos. I rooted for all of our teams this week and was left with one open slot. If I were to pick one game this week that I’d like to see a team win, it would be the Raiders to win this one. I cringed when I saw Derek Carr broke his leg last week. I’m not too familiar with Matt McGloin, but I’m rooting for the Raiders in a tough match up against the Defending Superbowl Champs. It’s one of those “For the love of the Fans” things. Fingers crossed. Go Raiders!

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