Five Game Parlay: Week 10
Things are starting to tighten up in the Five Game Parlay after Week 9 there are just four games separate first place from fourth place. That means that any one week could have a huge impact on who is winning. I had the perfect 5-0 week to vault myself into second place, and Ron was nearly as good at 4-1 to get himself right into the thick of things. It was another really good week for the group as everyone picked .500 or better. Patrick is gonna have to have a few more good weeks to get himself back in the thick of things, but with eight more weeks to go nothing has been decided yet. Here are the current standings with last week’s results and then the picks.
Sawyer 2-2-1 26-17-2
Ryan 5-0 24-20-1
Steve 3-2 22-21-2
Ron 4-1 22-23-0
Patrick 3-2 18-27-0
I don't know if every state is the same, but it's deer hunting season here in Michigan and I'm ready to land myself a trophy! I am already practicing and by this time next week, you may see my picture on the cover of If It's Alive, Kill It magazine. For my picks this week, I'm going to dedicate it to the wonderful world of killing things.
Washington Redskins (+1) over Minnesota Vikings. You can't start shooting things without paying homage to the originators of the bow and arrow, the Indians. They paved the way for us and in honor of them, I am picking the Redskins to beat the Vikings.
Green Bay Packers (+5.5) over Chicago Bears. I prefer killing Bears with my bare hands, but for the sake of this article, let's pretend I use a bow and arrow and hunt them.
Cleveland Browns (+12) over Detroit Lions. In case you didn't know, I have a lot of friends. A lot. Probably the most friends of anyone in the entire world. A bigly amount of friends to be honest. Out of all those friends however, my best friend is none other than Donald Trump Junior. "Little Donnie" and I had an awesome time killing Lions in the African desert recently. The funny part is, we weren't even there to go hunting. We went there on a trip to rape and pillage poor, African villages, and we just decided to kill some endangered Lions while we were there. I love Little Donnie...
Carolina Panthers (-9) over Miami Dolphins. People get so upset when they hear that the poor dolphins get tied up in the Tuna nets, and people even want to buy, "Dolphin-free tuna". Not me. The more Dolphin in my tuna, the better and I love shooting them off the back of a boat.
Atlanta Falcons (-3) over Dallas Cowboys. I paid tribute to the Indians, so let's pick against their bitter enemy, the Cowboys!
San Francisco 49ers +2.5 over New York Giants. As a 49ers fan I just have this feeling that they are going to blow their opportunity for the number one pick by beating the Giants. Not only would they then have the same record as the Giants and draft behind them because of head to head, but then they would also be behind the Browns who aren’t going to win this week anyway. It’s a jaded Niner fan pick here, but I think they will mess up by winning.
Chicago Bears -5.5 over Green Bay Packers. After watching the Packers struggling offense without Aaron Rodgers, I just think that they are going to have a hard time scoring on the Bears stingy defense. I think Jordan Howard is going to score enough points to beat the Packers by himself, and while the Bears aren’t a good offense either, I think they will win coming off a bye week while the Pack played on Monday night.
Pittsburgh Steelers -10 over Indianapolis Colts. The Steelers are coming off of their bye, while the Colts just really suck. Indy’s pass defense is among the worst in the league so look for Antonio Brown and Juju Smith-Schuster to have a field day, and I think the Steelers win this one by at least 20 points.
Dallas Cowboys +3 over Atlanta Falcons. I have been extremely unimpressed by the Falcons when I have watched them this season, and even though the Cowboys will be without Ezekiel Elliott their offense should be fine. Dak Prescott has been better than I thought he would be, and will not only cover but win against a Falcons team that has just been meh most of the season.
Detroit Lions -12 over Cleveland Browns. Detroit has looked for real this season, and the Browns have looked real too. Real fucking bad. Detroit’s defense has been far better than I thought it would be, and while they are completely unable to run the ball, but Golden Tate and Marvin Jones have been awesome. Look for the Lions to run over the Browns to win by three touchdowns.
Los Angeles Rams -12 over Houston Texans. I have been a big fan of the Rams this year, as they have been the best offense in the league. Their defense is also legit, and the Texans are struggling without Deshaun Watson and a subpar running game. I expect Jared Goff to have a strong game and Todd Gurley to find the endzone again as the Rams win by 14.
Pittsburgh Steelers (-10) over Indianapolis Colts. Let's get this straight. We were told by the Colts that cornerback Vontae Davis was benched for "performance" reasons this past week. Now he is going to reportedly have surgery on a torn groin and was subsequently cut by this piss poor excuse of a club. After the Andrew Luck shoulder fiasco, I have come to the conclusion that they are dirty filthy liars and I hope that they lose every single game by 50 points. I feel bad for the players, but I have completely soured on this organization and I hope that they get what's coming to them.
New York Jets (-2.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. No Jameis Winston. No Mike Evans. Tampa will be short handed this week and the best weapon the Bucs have is DeSean Jackson, who is a fantastic deep threat (not to be confused with a fantastic deep throat). Too bad Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't a great deep ball thrower. The Bucs pass defense has been putrid and I think this is a great spot for McCown, Robbie Anderson and Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who is returning to his old stomping grounds.
Cincinnati Bengals (+4.5) over Tennessee Titans. I love this line for the Bengals. Cincinnati has a top five pass defense and I think they should be able to bottle up Marcus Mariota and the Tennessee receivers. Demarco Murray has been battling a litany of injuries, so I think the Titans’ run game won't be very effective either. Add that to the fact that AJ Green has a fantastic matchup and should be looking to redeem himself after kicking Jalen Ramsey's ass last week, and this has all the makings of a Bengals win.
Atlanta Falcons (-3) over Dallas Cowboys. No Zeke!!! At least this week, that is. That's enough for me to take the Falcons, I guess. I love Dak Prescott, but it's a lot to ask of him to beat the defending Super Bowl losers all by himself.
San Francisco 49ers (+2.5) over New York Giants. I told you how I feel about the Indianapolis Colts. I also have some strong feelings of "dislike" against the Giants coach, Ben McAdoo as well. I think he and Pagano are the two worst coaches in the league, and the rumor is that the players have given up on McAdoo. That doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies, and I think it will be a long plane ride home for the Giants after they lose the Niners in Week 10.
Buffalo Bills +3 over New Orleans Saints. Living in upstate New York, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that it has been COLD the past few days. A fact that I think the New Orleans Saints will be unable to deal with on Sunday as they travel to Buffalo. Playing outside in the cold is NOT something the Saints are accustomed to. I like the Bills in this one.
Dallas Cowboys +3 over Atlanta Falcons. Ok. OK! This time it’s FOR REAL! Ezekiel Elliot will NOT play in this game this week. I think the Cowboys can still get it done without him however as they play a Falcons team which is a very different team they were from a year ago.
Tennessee Titans -4.5 over Cincinnati Bengals. What can I say? Call me predictable but I’m picking the opponent of another AFC North team over a division rival this week. This pick came down to the Titans over the Bengals -4.5 or the Lions beating the Browns by more than 12. Even though the Browns are winless this season, 12 points is a lot! I’m taking the Titans again this week.
New England Patriots -7.5 over Denver Broncos. It’s weird to be at this point in the football season, almost at Thanksgiving and NOT seeing the New England Patriots sitting atop the AFC playoff standings at number one for playoff seeding. But, here we are with the Pittsburgh Steelers at number one and the Patriots at number two. Both teams have records of 6-2, I think both teams will win their games this week and I think both teams will beat the spread. Oh, I might have just spoiled my final pick…
Pittsburgh Steelers -10 over Indianapolis Colts. Reunited and it feels SO GOOD! The Steelers are back to playing football this week and back to being my fifth pick. Granted, beating a team by 10 points is tough, I like my Steelers chances in this one!
Detroit Lions -12 over Cleveland Browns. First things first, the Lions, as I live and breathe are not a 12 point favorite ever. Sure they dismantled the Packers in Lambeau, but this is a trap game and as crappy as the Browns are, ahhh who am I fooling, give me Detroit in this tilt, two close losses to Atlanta and the Steelers and this is a top notch squad. You things are going right when they name Stone Hands Ebron a Captain for the game? Is the world ending?
Jacksonville Jaguars -3.5 over Los Angeles Chargers. Man I’m watching the new Transformers movie with my son and the British gal is smoking hot, like the Jags D. Poor Philip Rivers needs to hand the rock to Gordon, all day to stand any chance, and that will not be enough. Please just pick one color on those putrid helmets and I will step on the yellow footprints outside the Jags boot Camp like I did for the Marines on August 1st 1989. Go Jags
Atlanta Falcons -3 over Dallas Cowboys. Falcons will cover against the Cowboys and their disappearing offense players. Too much fire power for the Dallas Defense regardless of home or away. The birds of prey will fly this Sunday. Speaking of Birds of Prey, listen to the Mahavishnu Orchestra with guitar great John McLaughlin as he’s on his last U.S. tour right now, one of the greatest guitar players ever.
San Francisco 49ers +2.5 over New York Giants. I like the 49ers at him against the G Men, but love Manning and Shepherd in DFS. This game smells of suckfest, yet I feel like it could be a shootout too? Maybe? Still, I’ll take Frisco
Los Angeles Rams -12 over Houston Texans. The Rams game has way to big of a spread, so Fatty here is all over the Rams in this one, no facts or numbers on this one, but gut, and mine is large, Rams cover this dozen, now give me a dozen donuts!!!