Five Game Parlay: Week 13
Welcome to the month of December! For those of you who have been following the Five Game Parlay all season long, we are getting to the home stretch. I have lost the motivation to do much writing this week so let’s get right to the standings and the picks!
Sawyer 3-1-1 36-21-3
Ryan 2-3 30-29-1
Ron 3-2 30-30
Steve 2-3 28-30-2
Patrick 4-1 27-33
Oakland Raiders -7 over New York Giants. Oh boy! So living in upstate New York, the talk all week has been the change at quarterback the Giants are making this week. While I’m not the biggest Eli Manning fan and stand by my claim that he is still the 3rd best quarterback to come out of the 2003 draft class (Big Ben being number 1 of course followed by Philip Rivers), Eli definitely deserved better than this. The New York Giants are a mess and without Manning under center, I expect them to lose the rest of their games this season.
Kansas City Chiefs -3 over New York Jets. With my second pick of all New York football teams lose Sunday, I pick the Chiefs to win over the Jets. While the Jets sit at 4-7 and need A LOT of help to win a wildcard spot, the Chiefs currently lead their division by 1 game. If the Chiefs want to keep their lead, they’ll need to win this game which I think they will do.
Minnesota Vikings +3 over Atlanta Falcons. Ok, so the Vikings have been good this season. I mean, REALLY good! In fact, the only team currently ahead of them in the playoff race in the NFC are the Philadelphia Eagles who are also (spoiler alert) very good this season! The Vikings know what is at stake for the rest of the season and are looking to come out of the ATL with the win.
New England Patriots -8 over Buffalo Bills. Same story, different week. The Patriots must continue to win if they want to snatch the number 1 seed in the AFC away from the Steelers. They walk in to Buffalo to do just that. It’ll be just another day at the office for Brady and the Pats.
Pittsburgh Steelers -5.5 over Cincinnati Bengals. Ok, confession time. While I might only be 32 years old, I have the heart, mind and soul of an 82 year old man! With this game in Cincinnati on Sunday, the Steelers have played during primetime 4 out of the past 5 weeks and I have been in bed by halftime for all of them! What?! I’m and old, old man who needs his sleep! That being said, I’m going to try my best to stay up for the whole game and watch my Steelers move to 10-2 and one week closer to our fateful regular season matchup against the Patriots which looks like is going to decide home field advantage for the AFC half of the playoffs.
San Francisco 49ers +3.5 over Chicago Bears. The Bears just aren’t very good, and the 49ers will welcome their new quarterback in Jimmy Garoppolo in his home town. He showed in the last few seconds last week what he is capable of and I think he will get the best out of the offense. I actually expect the one win 49ers to win this one.
Minnesota Vikings +3 over Atlanta Falcons. The Vikings are the second best team in the NFC, and Case Keenum is playing like an All-Pro. I’m actually kind of surprised that Minnesota is getting points and I will pick them any time that they are an underdog. With the Falcons best cornerback hurt and out, look for Minnesota to win.
New England Patriots -8 over Buffalo Bills. Tom Brady still playing for the Pats? Yes? OK, that’s all I need to know give me New England. The Bills are better with Tyrod Taylor but they aren’t going to be within two touchdowns in this one.
Green Bay Packers +2.5 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Brett Hundley has looked a little better each week, and the Packers certainly have better offensive skilled position players than Tampa. Look for Jamaal Williams to have another solid game and the Green Bay passing game to be good enough to win.
Los Angeles Rams -7 over Arizona Cardinals. Arizona sucks lately while the Rams are still among the best teams in the NFC. I would have given 17 points here instead of 7, so this was an easy pick with the Rams.
Detroit Lions +3 over Baltimore Ravens. Again I’m going to take it in the ass from the Lions, but my heart believes/wishes these guys can play worth a crap one week in a meaningless game, and this game matters, don’t get me wrong, but it will be ugly. Baltimore is God awful offensively and are still a field goals favorite, Detroit has plenty of weapons but the Ravens will handle the Lions passing game with their league leading 18 interceptions. This will be a low scoring affair, with Detroit’s running game just a sputter and Baltimore’s newest bell cow Alex Collins dinged up, but Danny Woodhead will be more involved and Collins should start still. Ravens Cover
Jacksonville Jaguars -9.5 over Indianapolis Colts. Jacksonville takes their bad ass secondary in to Indy for a nice Midwest dome game, and will force the struggling Colts beat them with 106 year old stud, Frank Gore. I will only make fun of Gore’s age, he won my lots of money in the past and I owe him that much, and he’s a Hurricane! The Jags are favored by nine and half, and will cover, I have no doubt. Maybe Blake Bortles will even throw for more than 225 yards and a few td’s…Maybe? Jacksonville will run the ball and run often and Leonard Fournette will see plenty of action in this should be one-sided tilt.
Green Bay Packers +2.5 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Even as horrid as Hot Rod Hundley has been in Green Bay, the game seems to be slowing down a notch for him as he gets more comfortable. I like the Packers hosting the Bucs in this battle of the Bays. Growing up, this was a division game in the NFC’s Norris Division. I’m expecting scores to happen often in this match-up, but the Packers will cover the two and a half. Tampa ranks dead last against the pass (32nd) and 14th against the run, so let’s say Hundley may have a career days for himself, Pack Covers.
Miami Dolphins +1 over Denver Broncos. Again, like the Lions/Ravens game both teams here are struggling from the predictions. The Denver/Miami game smells of closeness and the one point favoring of Denver also reeks of that same closeness. Reek may be a better way to say the way this game will play, stinky! I’ll take the Dolphins, they don’t play that bad of Defense at home, and this game is almost a pick’em and I’ll take the home team. Miami is marginal against the pass and close to the bottom versus the run so expect Landry, Parker and Stills to see some action, Miami Covers.
New Orleans Saints -4 over Carolina Panthers. Finally I’m like the Saints to cover at home against Carolina, Brees has a good history against the Panthers lately, and New Orleans defense has surprised many this season, including themselves. This game has all the makings of a higher scoring affair, and wish I had NFL Season Ticket so I could enjoy it instead of struggling through the Lions game. Carolina has the better defense still, yet I feel the 12th man of New Orleans will cover.
Miami Dolphins +1 over Denver Broncos. The Dolphins might suck, but they are going to win this game. The Broncos quarterback situation looks worse than one of my diapers used to after my mom would slip me some prunes. Lucky for them I go on the toilet now, but I still have them fooled into wiping my butt.
Jacksonville Jaguars -9.5 over Indianapolis Colts. This spread might be as big as my man meat, but I think Jacksonville covers. The Jags defense is probably gonna score more points than the Colts offense, and figure Leonard Fournette has a 100 yard day as Jacksonville cruises.
New York Giants +7 over Oakland Raiders. The bitches that call themselves Giants fans cried all week because the team benched their beloved Eli Manning. Get over it crybabies! It’s Geno Smith time and in a wild turn of events he will play ok and keep this game within a touchdown.
Seattle Seahawks +6 over Philadelphia Eagles. The freaking Eagles have to lose eventually don’t they? Russell Wilson has been a magician lately and will pull a rabbit out of his hat and a win out of his ass.
Pittsburgh Steelers -5.5 over Cincinnati Bengals. The Steelers are rolling much like my mom rolls over my dad and makes him do what she wants. These two teams don’t like each other like I don’t like my stupid sisters. But the Steelers are the better team like I’m the best kid in this house and will win by a touchdown.
Detroit Lions +3 over Baltimore Ravens. Despite Monday’s game, I still think the Ravens suck ass, and the Lions have had a nice long rest since getting walloped on Thanksgiving. Look for Matthew Stafford to cruise to victory with the Lions and for them to win the game.
San Francisco 49ers +3.5 over Chicago Bears. The Jimmy Garoppolo Era begins in Week 13 for the 49ers and this is gonna be a total homer pick, but I think the Niners are going to win this one outright so I’ll definitely take the 3.5.
Kansas City Chiefs -3 over New York Jets. I just think the Chiefs are due for a bounceback and the Jets are starting to go in the wrong direction fast. KC is the more talented team and I think they win this one by ten.
Los Angeles Rams -7 over Arizona Cardinals. The Rams defense is no joke, and the Cardinals offense……well, kind of is a joke. Whether Adrian Peterson plays or not I have a hard time seeing the Cardinals score ten points, while I think the Rams will be able to get close to their usual 30. Should be a laugher for the Rams.
Oakland Raiders -7 over New York Giants. Geno Smith? Bahahahahahahaahaha, I’m not bullish on the Raiders right now, but with an absolute joke at quarterback, the Giants might lose by 30. Even Nathan Peterman is laughing a little at the thought of Geno Smith as a starting QB.