Five Game Parlay: Week 13
As has been the case most of the season, the five of us have just been average. Nothing stood out really this week, but with five weeks to go Joe still has the lead, and Steve and Ryan are still within a week’s worth of games if either shlub could put together a 5-0 week. Those have been few and far between this year, but there’s still time so let’s check out the Week 13 picks and the standings thus far.
Joe 32-27-1 (2-3)
Steve 29-29-2 (2-3)
Ryan 28-30-2 (3-2)
Pat 25-34-1 (3-2)
Drake 24-35-1 (1-4)
Chicago Bears -4.5 over New York Giants. Look for the Giants to come up flat, a week after their season ended with their loss to the Eagles. Chase Daniel should hold his own again this week. Jordan Howard should get his first 100 rushing yard game of the season and when the Giants lose 20-3 at least OBJ will have something to talk about.
Indianapolis Colts -4 over Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jags will lose their eighth straight game this week. The Colts are a very good team and their close call against the Dolphins was the close call that will lead them to their sixth straight win and propel them into an eventual playoff appearance. Cody Kessler will be under center for the Jags and he’ll be throwing to nobody and Carlos Hyde will allegedly be their primary back and he’ll be running nowhere.
Green Bay Packers -14 over Arizona Cardinals. NFLWeather.com predicts a game time temperature of 34 degrees and light snow. Take a horrible warm weather team like the Cardinals and have them play against a Packers team that is undefeated at home this season, has lost two straight and needs a victory to keep their slim playoff hopes alive and what do you think will happen? The Pack will win by 24. Aaron Jones will rush for 150 plus yards and the Cheese Heads will be happy.
Carolina Panthers -3.5 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Panthers have beaten the Bucs three straight times and two of those three victories were by 14 points. The Panthers desperately need this game after losing three straight. Their playoff lives depend upon it. Look for big games from Cam, Christian and D.J.
Seattle Seahawks -10 over San Francisco 49ers. The Seahawks have defeated the 49ers in eight straight games, are playing at home and are coming off of a thrilling victory over the Panthers. They’ve played two straight close games but this will be the week that the Seahawks come out swinging. They’ll cover by the start of the second quarter. San Fran QB Nick Mullens will have a rude awakening as he is introduced to Seattle’s 12th man this week.
Indianapolis Colts (-4) over Jacksonville Jaguars. I will keep this brief. I really like Andrew Luck and I hate the Jags. Go Indy!
Carolina Panthers (-3.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I feel it’s only a matter of time before the Bucs quarterback implodes again and they make a change at the position for the 43rd time this season. Maybe this week is the week. If not, I think Cam and company can exploit this weak Tampa defense.
Buffalo Bills (+5) over Miami Dolphins. This is my lock of the week. The Bills defense is better than what people think and my favorite quarterback Josh Allen, will torch the Dolphins. I’m joking about that of course, but I think Allen and LeSean McCoy will lead the Bills not only to cover the spread, but to a victory in Week 13.
Chicago Bears (-4.5) over New York Giants. The Bears defense has what it takes to keep Saquon Barkley in check (at least for the most part), and Eli Manning won’t be able to stay off of his back with Khalil Mack chasing him down. The Giants have kept the last few games close, but that will change this week in a blowout loss to the Bears.
Oakland Raiders (+15) over Kansas City Chiefs. I’m going to regret this one, I know I am. I don’t know how many points Kareem Hunt is worth, but now that he is a former Chief, I think the Raiders stand a much better chance to cover. They can now focus their attention on Mahomes and company and while I don’t think they will win, I think this could be closer than some think.
Indianapolis Colts -4 over Jacksonville Jaguars. God it has all fallen apart for the Jags now. Blake Bortles is benched, Leonard Fournette is suspended for fighting, and the team is in total disarray. Even the Raiders are like “damn, the Jags are a fucking mess!” Indy is on a nice roll, and while I worry about the Jags defense actually getting to Andrew Luck, I just can’t see a scenario where the Colts don’t win by at least a touchdown here.
Buffalo Bills +5 over Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins really coughed that one up on Sunday after having a fourth quarter lead, and a team that had a nice start is tripping over their own balls on their way to the finish line. Meanwhile, the Bills are actually gaining momentum of late and I can see them winning this one outright.
Chicago Bears -4.5 over New York Giants. Well, the Giants had one last chance to save their season and gave that shit away to the Eagles last week. Now, with nothing to play for I can’t see them staying close against a Bears team fighting for the division crowd, and are a longshot at a first round bye. Look for the Bears defense to punish Eli Manning and keep Barkley in check as they win this one by ten.
Kansas City Chiefs -15 over Oakland Raiders. While I was making fun of the Jags earlier and saying that they weren’t as big of a mess as the Raiders, that’s not saying that the Raiders don’t suck something awful. And while I don’t know if I’ve ever witnessed a line this large for a road team, I feel very confident saying the Chiefs are going to beat the ever living shit out of the Raiders and could win by 30.
Los Angeles Rams -10 over Detroit Lions. This is another one where the line is high for a road favorite, but the Rams are just so damn good and the Lions…..well, the Lions aren’t. This one should be a laugher and Gurley could outscore the Lions by himself.
Seattle Seahawks -10 over San Francisco 49ers. Ok, the catch-up has begun, time to make my move like Maverick in Top Gun, and still never leave my wingman. Sorry right now Ryan, but Seattle who is on a tear is going to dismantle the Niners this weekend. Seattle has been playing some of the better football of late, and this is a moderate practice for Russell Wilson and crew, and with Doug Baldwin slowly getting his wings back, and the three headed backfield, Seattle will have no problem covering the ten at home. Seattle covers 10
Los Angeles Rams -10 over Detroit Lions. Speaking of being favored by ten, let’s talk Rams/Lions, in nature, Lions win all the time, but on the gridiron in week #13 of the NFL season, L.A. Rams kill these Lions. Sure Detroit can pick the secondary apart like the Chiefs did, well not that bad, but Golladay hopefully has his way even with Talib returning. Just too much firepower for the Lions to keep up with. I watch every Lions game sadly, which may explain the breakfast of pain killers and anti-depressants, but that’s another article. Detroit’s pass rush will not get to Goff quick enough, allowing his excellent WR’s to find space against our average secondary. Rams cover 10
Green Bay Packers -14 over Arizona Cardinals. Let’s go even bigger, and again Norris Division style with the Packers offense raping and pillaging the Arizona defense like a snuff film. At home, in cruddy Wisconsin weather, Arizona is like Donny in The Big Lebowski, Out of your element! Packers cover 14
Minnesota Vikings +6 over New England Patriots. Sticking with the Norris, Minnesota is taking there getting healthy offense up to visit Mr. Everything Tom Brady in New England. Pats are six point home favorites, but their defense couldn’t stop Alabama, and Minnesota will score the Pats touchdown for touchdown, it may come down to Gostkowski’s leg and this is kind of weather. Still give me Minnesota cover the six on the road-
Carolina Panthers -3.5 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Lastly, no I’m not going with the Bears, I would if Trubisky was playing, but at this point of the week it looks bleak, so I’m going with Carolina and Tampa. Big deal Jamies Winston is back, Cam Newton and crew have seen and done his song and dance before in Tampa, and CMC will be like the 90’s rock classic Bad Boys Running Wild all over the pathetic Bucs defense. Carolina covers 3 ½
Indianapolis Colts -4 over Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jags are toothless. New QB, OC, RB, and no Jalen Ramsey. Please. This is Andrew Luck throwing for 400 and 4 TD's all day for the cover. Cha-Ching!
Los Angeles Rams -10 over Detroit Lions. So one of the best offenses in the NFL vs a team who traded their only run stuffer and has 1 legit offensive weapon? Yeaaaaa Gimme all that Rams action. They might hang 50 on the lifeless Lions but hey practicing out in 20 degree temperatures sure got them "tougher" right Matt Patricia?
New York Jets +9 over Tennessee Titans. The line is Titans by 9 but I'd be shocked if 9 points are even scored in this snoozefest. Two pathetic offenses and bad QB play. This one stays close and who knows the Jets might outright win. Gimme the Jets to keep it close.
Buffalo Bills +5 over Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins have 90-year-old Frank Gore and zero WR weapons. How are they favored to win? Ohhhh wait they are playing the Bills, got it. But the Bills aren't THAT bad... yes they are. But the Dolphins suck too. This game shouldn't be watched by people with heart conditions or eyeballs. Bills lose but only by 1. If it could be 1-0 that would be my prediction.
Denver Broncos -5.5 over Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals SUUUUUUUCK. They are the dictionary definition of dumpster fire. No QB. No line. No defense. I have Phil Lindsay locked into every DFS lineup this week and I might drunkenly do 10 more after writing this. He scores 3x and the Broncos win by double digits