Five Game Parlay: Week 15
This is really starting getting close with just three weeks to go! Joe Gallina is still our leader, but now just by a half game as Steve gained another game on him this week. Everything has to be getting a little tight with Joe and hope he isn’t overthinking his pick. Steve has a lot of momentum now as he tries to steal this one late. I really gave up my opportunity to get to the top with my 2-3 performance, but I’m still within three. With his second consecutive good week, Drake has gotten himself into consideration for the title. And Patrick Wisniewski? Well, Polka is looking to finish strong for pride.
Joe 35-34-1 (2-3)
Steve 34-34-2 (3-2)
Ryan 32-36-2 (2-3)
Drake 32-37-1 (4-1)
Polka 30-39-1 (3-2)
Buffalo Bills -2.5 over Detroit Lions. My lock of the week. Love Josh Allen, and sorry Steve the Lions are toast. They are just 1-8 against the spread in their last nine December games played outdoors.
Seattle Seahawks -5.5 over San Francisco 49ers. Seahawks will make it 10 straight wins over the 49ers. As far as the Seahawks covering this week, they are 11-2-1 ATS in their last 14 games against the 49ers.
Green Bay Packers +5.5 over Chicago Bears. I see this as a close game. The Bears have a chance to clinch the NFC North Division with a win and they’ve got the memory of that stinging come from behind Packers win in Week 1 ingrained in their brains. I believe they win, but these two rivals know each other too well and the spread is too high.
Houston Texans -6 over New York Jets. I like taking a good team coming off of a loss when they’re playing a bad team. The Texans need a win and a few other things to happen for a chance to clinch the AFC South Title. That should be enough of a motivating factor for them to win this game handily.
Jacksonville Jaguars -7 over Washington Redskins. Josh Johnson signed off of the mean streets in the hood and leading his team to a victory against a team that was one game away from playing in the Super Bowl makes for a great Hollywood script but I don’t know if you noticed but this ain’t Hollywood. Leonard Fournette dominates this game.
Dallas Cowboys (+2.5) over Indianapolis Colts. With TY Hilton dealing with a new ankle injury to go along with his other injuries, I’m worried that Andrew Luck and Eric Ebron won’t be enough to carry the Colts to victory. Since acquiring Amari Cooper, the Cowboys have looked like a whole new team and Ezekiel Elliott should be able to lead Dallas to the slight upset over Indy.
Tennessee Titans (+2.5) over New York Giants. This game will be boring as hell, but I believe the Titans are the better team so I’m taking them with the points.
San Francisco 49ers (+5.5) over Seattle Seahawks. I always worry about teams performing poorly when they have to travel following a Monday Night game, and although it’s not a long trip, it’s enough to make me go with the Niners in a tough divisional matchup.
Pittsburgh Steelers (+1) over New England Patriots. I don’t care that the Raiders beat the Steelers last week as I think that may motivate them even more this week against the Pats. Pittsburgh has won five straight against New England and the average margin of victory in those games was almost 13 points. With the Steelers at home as underdogs, I think the Steelers are one of the better plays of the week.
Carolina Panthers (+6.5) over New Orleans Saints. I guess the theme of the week is that I’m choosing all underdogs. The Saints have struggled the last few weeks moving the ball and I always worry when I see them travel outside the friendly confines of the Superdome. To conclude my picks, I just want to say that Joe Gallina sucks bunions and I will officially overtake him in the standings after this week!
Cleveland Browns +3 over Denver Broncos. Denver just lost to the friggin 49ers last week, and the Browns I believe are still playing inspired football as they are trying to prove to everyone that they won’t just be the NFL’s doormat in the future. Baker Mayfield is certainly proving me wrong when I thought he wouldn’t be a good NFL starter. He has a ways to go yet, but he is definitely showing a lot of talent. I think Denver is falling apart at the end, while the Browns want to win. Give me the three points.
Baltimore Ravens -8 over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I love this time of year when we see warm weather cities go to cold places in December. They are always so bundled up, got the big ski masks over their heads and faces, and you know they don’t want to be tackled and driven into that hard ground when it is under 30 degrees. Plus, the Ravens are playing to try to win the division and the Bucs aren’t playing for shit. Give me Lamar Jackson and Baltimore running game here.
Buffalo Bills -2.5 over Detroit Lions. I’m sticking with the theme of teams not used to the cold over teams who are here. Sure it’s cold as a witches titty in Detroit, but they play indoors like a bunch of pansies! Plus the team isn’t very good. Now, I live east of Buffalo, where it’s not as bad, and it’s cold as shit here. So, this is a real home field advantage. And the Bills’ offense has been a little more stable of late with Josh Allen getting some experience and I think they pull this one out in a close game.
New England Patriots -1 over Pittsburgh Steelers. Both teams had heartbreaking losses last week with the Dolphins using the old lateral play to beat the Pats and the Steelers inexplicably dropping one to the lowly Raiders. However, this one comes down to two things. Historically, the Patriots do beat the Steelers. And second, I have more faith that the Pats bounceback after a disappointing loss than I do with Pittsburgh. Their season has just been wonky starting in Week 1 with the tie with the Browns, and culminating last week with the loss to Oakland. Give me the Pats to cover.
Seattle Seahawks -5.5 over San Francisco 49ers. Being a Niners fan that HATES the Shehawks, this pick pains me, but I have to be realistic if I want to win this competition. And reality tells me that my team isn’t any good (despite the win last week against Denver) and Seattle is hot. I know this is a road favorite within the division which is always a scary proposition, but I think Seattle wins this one by ten against a Niners team that is just loaded with guys on IR.
Houston Texans -6 over New York Jets. OK I'm sure this will be my first miss of the week but c'mon the Jets are dead. Carousel at QB, RB, WR, you name it. The Texans I'm sure will overlook the Jets and lose but for this exercise I'm going with the Texans. Please god I need the W.
Buffalo Bills -2.5 over Detroit Lions. I live in Upstate NY and can tell you this weather isn't for the weak at heart. These pansies from Detroit who play in a dome won't know what hit them in Orchard Park. OK it might be a dildo launched from the crowd but more likely it's a freezing cold wind chill. Josh Allen completes 4 passes for 59 yards and the Bills get the win for the home drunks.
Seattle Seahawks -5.5 over San Francisco 49ers. This team is dangerous and coming on at the right time. They might throw for 60 yards (yes that's a real thing) but they play legit defense and run the rock. I'll take the neon warriors over a hapless 49ers squad in this one.
Jacksonville Jaguars -7 over Washington Redskins. The line is 7 and unless there is a pick-6 I'm not sure anyone gets to that number. These are the two most disgusting offenses in the league. I know of better QB's in fraternity flag football leagues. My guess is the Jags D outscores the Washington offense and there's my 7.
Los Angeles Rams - 9 over Philadelphia Eagles. Nine is a big number but the Eagles simply have no offense now with Nick Foles back under center. It's RPO's and say a prayer for the birds. I think the Rams hang 50 on the champs in the Coliseum.
Los Angeles Chargers +3.5 over Kansas City Chiefs. Well Phil Rivers has laid eggs before in Kansas City…Ummm in a must win game last season to mention the latest. This year is different though, both teams are powerhouses in the AFC, and not just in the West Division. This game has all the makings of a great playoff game, and now Melvin Gordon is no longer out and upgraded to “Questionable”. The Chiefs open as a 3 ½ home favorite, but I’m playing favorites here and I’m going with my Chargers to cover that field goal and hook. Rivers can shred the Chiefs secondary with no Eric Berry. Chargers cover 3 ½
Minnesota Vikings -7 over Miami Dolphins. The Vikings host the acrobats of the ocean, the Dolphins, as Bill Murray puts it in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, “Son of a Bitch, I hate those Dolphins!” Well I hate them too, and this week will be a perfect confidence boost under a new OC in Viking Ville by allowing Dalvin Cook to break the 100 yard plateau against the worst NFL team against the rush (32nd), that’s right those same Dolphins Zissou and I hate! Vikings cover the 7 points-
Dallas Cowboys +2.5 over Indianapolis Colts. The Cowboys have been playing really good football lately, especially their defense, but don’t fade Luck and gang who are at home, and can score with the best of them, I’m torn on which way to go here, but a little research leaned my sway to the Colts, who are 2.5 home favorites in this tilt. I’m expecting a close game, but I cannot go against a dominate RB, and Zeke has been in shred mode of late and with control of the clock, the Cowboys will cover the 2.5 on the road. The Colts running game is tame at its best and will have to rely on Andrew Luck to create, Cowboys cover 2.5
Seattle Seahawks -5.5 over San Francisco 49ers. Sure, it’s easy to pick on Ryan’s 49ers, so why stop, they are 5.5 underdogs a on the home versus a Seattle squad that also has been kicking butt of late. Plus the 49ers are a complete mess in what should have been year one of a solid rebuild, with all of their newly acquired assets getting IR treatment, so this is a slam dunk for me with Seattle covering 5 ½ in Frisco.
Los Angeles Rams -9 over Philadelphia Eagles. Lastly but not leastly, the Rams are a 9 point favorite and are looking to right the ship that was all but destroyed and sunk in Lake Michigan last Sunday at behest of the Bears and their badass defense, and why didn’t the idiot Lions offer stadium rights to Mack to get him to sign in Detroit? When a generational player is available, you f***ing offer the world and back dumb asses! Rams cover the 9 they’re giving the all but dead Eagles, even more so now with Wentz banged up, but who knows, the Nick Foles Eagles may destroy, not….Rams cover 9-