Five Game Parlay: Week 5

It wasn’t a terrible week for the fantastic five as three of us were over the .500 mark for the week. Ryan jumped back into the lead with a 3-2 record after that little bastard Sawyer took the top spot for a week. Sawyer had his worst week since he was two years old picking games with his 1-4 mark and gave up his spot at the top. He was so bad, in fact, that he nearly let his downtrodden dad catch up to him, as Steve is now just a half a game back of his little surprise. Steve was 3-2 on the week, and is hoping to ride this momentum to take a run at first place. Patrick started his climb toward the rest of the pack with a 3-2 week as well. Hitting that .500 mark for the season has to be his next goal. Finally, Ron continues to struggle in his first year in the Parlay. But, I feel confident that better days are ahead for him, and I can feel a 4-1 week in his near future.

Here are the current standings with last week’s result in parenthesis, followed by our picks. Enjoy!

Ryan 11-8-1 (3-2)
Sawyer 10-10 (1-4)
Steve 9-10-1 (3-2)
Patrick 7-13 (3-2)
Ron 6-14 (2-3)

Ryan’s Picks

New York Giants -3.5 over Los Angeles Chargers. I have picked the Giants in the last two weeks figuring that they weren’t going to fall to 0-4. While they haven’t won, they have at least been covering the spread. I expect that trend to continue and obviously for that to happen they have to win this week. I see the Giants getting well this week and winning this one by 10+ points.

San Francisco 49ers +1.5 over Indianapolis Colts. The 49ers haven’t played the toughest schedule in the past three weeks, but the teams they have played, they have been very competitive against and easily could have won a couple of those games. This week they play the worst team on their schedule so far in the Colts. With Andrew Luck still out, this is a game the Niners have to win.

Carolina Panthers +3 over Detroit Lions. This is a battle of two 3-1 teams that are off to great starts. I’m buying into one, and the other I think will be good, but not as good as they have started. The Lions are one foot away from being 4-0, but I just don’t think they are quite this good. On the Carolina side, Cam Newton certainly is back, and their defense has been fairly strong. I think they are the better team and I get a field goal to boot!

Los Angeles Rams -1 over Seattle Seahawks. I think we are seeing a changing of the guard, at least to an extent, in the NFC West as the Rams are leading the NFL in points scored, while the Seahawks have kind of looked old and a step slow this season. It will be a stiff test for young Jared Goff, but in Los Angeles I think that the Rams pass this test and win this game by a touchdown.

Houston Texans +1 over Kansas City Chiefs. Rookie Deshaun Watson certainly got anyone’s attention that somehow wasn’t paying attention to him with his massacre of the Titans. While I don’t know that the Texans offense will be near that good again, I’m not buying the Chiefs as the last undefeated team. I’m sure they are going to be good, but I see this one going to the Texans in a close one.

Steve’s Picks


Steve gives his wife a 3 1/2 inch credit card because he can't give her that in any other department

If there is one thing I'm learning as I pick these games week after week and year after year, is that the NFL is more unpredictable than my wife is when I take away her credit cards. I did that on Wednesday and within three hours, she was climbing the tree in our front yard to get to the crow's nest so she could be on the lookout for pirate ships. We live 1,000 miles from the ocean. Anyways, because of the unpredictability of the NFL, I'm going to try a new strategy week...pick all underdogs. It doesn't matter if the best teams are playing the worst, because any team can beat another on any given week. If these games basically are all pick 'ems, I might as well improve my chances by picking the team who gets the points. Here goes nothing!

Buffalo Bills (+3) over Cincinnati Bengals. The Bill defense is humming, and I'm not sure that the Bungals will be able to move the ball effectively.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+8.5) over Pittsburgh Steelers. Does Big Ben only suck on the road, or does he just suck? I guess we'll find out this week.

Arizona Cardinals (+6) over Philadelphia Eagles. The Cards can't run the ball, but they should be able to pass against this Eagles secondary.

Seattle Seahawks (+1) over Los Angeles Rams. That escalated quickly. It wasn't that long ago the Rams were a laughing stock and now they are favored over Seattle. While I like their team, I expect the Seahawks to show them they are still the team to beat in the NFC West.

Green Bay Packers (+2) over Dallas Cowboys. The Packers backfield is a disaster with injuries, but that may help Green Bay because it could mean Aaron Rodgers will have to put the team on his shoulders. That sounds like a good plan to me.

Sawyer’s Picks

You readers have probably learned that I have a few "anger issues". I blame this on the lack of quality parenting, but at least this week, it's because I went 1-4 in my parlay picks in Week 4. As you can see by the look on my face, I ain't happy. My blood pressure is through the roof, so I better turn this ship around before I show of you readers what real anger looks like. Speaking of ships, I heard my mom ranting like an effing lunatic about ships before she scaled the tree out front. I have no fricken clue what in the hell that's all about.


Sawyer showing us his mad face after his 1-4 week. He asked me to please write that he hates all of you, and wants to kick you in the nuts. He's an angry elf

New York Giants (-3.5) over Los Angeles Chargers. Ben McAdoo looks like a douche. That's all I have to say about this game.

New York Jets (PK) over Cleveland Browns. The Browns are even bigger losers than my dad. (Editor's Note: I don't know Sawyer, your dad is a pretty big loser!)

San Francisco 49ers (+1.5) over Indianapolis Colts. Chuck Pagano is the worst coach in the NFL and he will find a way to screw this up.

Oakland Raiders (-2) over Baltimore Ravens. My mom is now screaming at my dad to "Walk the Plank". No wonder I'm screwed up...

Kansas City Chiefs (-1) over Houston Texans. That Kareem Hunt dude is pretty good.

Patrick’s Picks

New York Giants -3.5 over Los Angeles Chargers. Starting at the top, after being absolutely picked apart last week, will the Giants secondary do any better?  Yes, the Chargers are flying across country, and it’s an 1pm start time for starters.  Rivers has committed 28 turnovers in his last 16 starts, but has been a Top-12 QB in three of the first four weeks this season.  Yes all kinds of contradictions here, but the G-Men have the players to slow down Keenan Allen and company. Giant cover…. 

Jacksonville Jaguars +8.5 over Pittsburgh Steelers. I know Pittsburgh at home is supposed to be like the Incredible Hulk vs. Me, but Jacksonville has a very respectable secondary and not that bad of a defense to keep this game closer than 8 ½ points.  Now the Jacksonville offense is another story, but I’ll take the young corners and safeties from Florida to keep this game close.

Seattle Seahawks +1 over Los Angeles Rams. Ok, Todd Gurley led Rams have been impressive so far to me, but regardless of home or road, Seattle's Defense is tough unit. With them being a one point dog, I’ll take them.  This to me seems like it should be more defense oriented game, and when I think defense over the last six years, I think Seahawks...

Carolina Panthers +3 over Detroit Lions. As a lifelong suffering Lions fan I'm not sure how to feel about all this power ranking live for my Lions.  With that said, I feel they win this game, but Carolina will keep close, but fall short. Mr. 50 Yards or more Prater will decide it, both teams are defensively solid, Lions win, but Panthers cover.

Cleveland Browns pk over New York Jets. I feel as if we're picking which STD I rather have, herpes or clap? (Editor’s Note: Definitely the clap, the herp never goes away) Both teams have good backfields, especially when Tyranasaurus Forte is out of the Jets line up. I’ll take Cleveland at home and only because they're home and I love Crowell and the Duke of Cleveland, and am counting on double digit fantasy games from all three running backs that count here. Browns win, and I won't say that again this season. At least you have the Indians to cheer for Cleveland.

Ron’s Super Late Picks

(Editor's Note: I am supposed to get picks from these folks by Friday, didn't get these until 9:00am SUNDAY! Hope they are good!)

Buffalo Bills -3 over Cincinnati Bengals. Last week, the Bengals went into Cleveland and beat the Browns. Convincingly I might add! This week, they host the Bills who I believe will put up a bit more of a fight than the Browns did. The Bills find themselves in a position they haven’t been in for quite some time, first place in the AFC East. You know, the division that the New England Patriots are in? The reigning Super Bowl Champions?! Yeah, them! Living in upstate New York, I’m used to seeing New York Giants and/or Jets stuff everywhere I go but for SOME reason Bills fans are blowing the cobwebs from their game day gear and are wearing it with pride again. While I doubt they’ll win all of their remaining games, I like the Bills chances of winning this one.

Miami Dolphins +2.5 over Tennessee Titans. I’m going to be quite honest with you. As I sit here early Sunday morning, I originally picked the Titans to beat the Dolphins in Miami. I checked my phone to see the injury report and saw that Marcus Mariota was listed as questionable and decided to change my pick. I don’t think that the Titans without Mariota will be able to beat the Dolphins. Especially if Matt Cassel gets the start with Brandon Weeden behind him in case he goes down. It’s a coin flip. I’m calling Dolphins in the air and hoping lady luck is on my side.

Los Angeles Rams -1 Seattle Seahawks. On the arm of Jared Goff and the legs of Todd Gurley, the Rams find themselves at the top of the NFC West standings with a record of 3-1. They’ll be looking to improve to 4-1 as their division rivals Seattle Seahawks pay a visit to their terrible, terrible stadium (just personal preference but my brain says that it’s not an NFL stadium. Sorry.) I expect this to be a close, competitive game that the Rams will be able to come out on top in.  (Editor’s note: When you come over later to watch the games Ron, we will only watch the Rams so you can see the stadium)

Oakland Raiders -2 over Baltimore Ravens. When asked how he was feeling, Derek Carr did his best Mike Tyson impression when he said “I broke my back. My back is broken!” While Carr is looking for a tattoo artist to tattoo his face, EJ Manuel with take the helm and start under center as the Ravens travel to Oakland. The Ravens are on a two game losing streak and are hoping the quarterback change in Oakland will help them get the W. I, on the other hand, hope they’re holding L’s for the rest of the season.

Pittsburgh Steelers -8.5 over Jacksonville Jaguars.  This week Antonio Brown looks to get his revenge on that mean old Gatorade bucket by having another big day for all of his fantasy owners. While I didn’t like a week’s worth of having AB’s outburst last Sunday compared to Odell Beckham’s antics with his now fiancé the kicking net, even I as a diehard fan know when to say “Stop whining. Just shut up and play the game!” With Le’Veon Bell and the Steelers offensive line seeming to hit their midseason stride, I expect the Roethlisberger/Brown connection to be called early and often this week.


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