Five Game Parlay: Week 5

Yuck! It was an ugly week for our pickers, well at least for everyone except Joe Gallina who climbed right back in this thing with one decent week. The other four were all under .500, and Steve put up the first 0-fer of the season. Week 5 offers a brand new start so let’s get right to the comedy…..I mean our picks for the first weekend in October.

Drake 10-10 (1-4)
Ryan 10-10 (2-3)
Joe 10-10 (3-2)
Gary 9-11 (1-4)
Steve 9-11 (0-5)

Drake’s Picks @drakefantasy

Minnesota Vikings -5 over New York Giants. For some reason my iPhone autocorrected “Vikings” to “Bikinis.”  I’m not sure why it happened but I’m going with it. Let’s go Bikinis!

San Francisco 49ers -3.5 over Cleveland Browns. With an early BYE I think fans forgot just how good the 49ers are this year. That defense is legit. God only know which of their eight RB’s will score this week but I think they cover with ease. 

Tennessee Titans -3 over Buffalo Bills. Buffalo without the “amazing” (sarcasm) Josh Allen is going to have trouble scoring.  The Titans have an awful QB of their own but in Nashville the Titans hold the Bills to under 10 points. 

Philadelphia Eagles -13.5 over New York Jets.The geniuses running the Jets allowed Sam Darnold to get every practice snap this week. On Friday they ruled him out. So former practice squad member Luke Falk got zero prep to start on Sunday. Great move fellas. 

New England Patriots -15.5 over Washington Redskins. Pray for whoever starts this game at Quarterback for Washington. They have absolutely no chance. Easy money. 

Ryan’s Picks @fightingchance

Arizona Cardinals +3 over Cincinnati Bengals. The Cardinals certainly haven’t been what we thought they would be when the season started, but shit they are better than this fart cloud that is the Cincinnati Bengals. Andy Dalton has Tyler Boyd to throw to and then I think they are down to Krusty the Clown and the cast of the Wonder Years. Kyler Murray and the Air Raid Offense will pull this one out for their first win of the year.

Philadelphia Eagles -13.5 over New York Jets. Christ, as long as Luke Falk is the quarterback I’ll bet against the Jets up to 30 points. This team doesn’t have a clue and the Eagles are in a good place right now. Wentz throws for three touchdowns in a romp.

Houston Texans -4.5 over Atlanta Falcons. The Falcons secondary is as tight as a 50 year old porn star on her 30th gang bang. Deshaun Watson and DeAndre Hopkins should hook up for 150 yards and two touchdowns, and look for a long one to Will Fuller as well. The Texans roll by 20.

Buffalo Bills +3 over Tennessee Titans. This is a battle of two great defenses, but I have more faith in Frank Gore and the Bills offense than I do in Marcus Mariota and Tennessee. The Bills are a legit AFC contender, while the Titans are making it work with smoke and mirrors. Give me Buffalo and they win outright.

Jacksonville Jaguars +3.5 over Carolina Panthers. Minshew-mania continues to roll in Week 5 as Gardner pulls out another one late. Hell, even if he doesn’t the Jags should keep this within a field goal and I still win. I have betting tiger blood going through my veins. Someone call Charlie Sheen.

Joe’s Picks @joegallina

New England Patriots -15.5 over Washington Redskins. The Pats are again the class of the league but let’s face it, two of their first four games have been against the Dolphins and the depleted Jets but hey, you play who your schedule says you should play. They get another slam dunk this week against the Redskins led by the feisty but overmatched Colt McCoy. Terry McLaurin, his best receiver, might not play. Tight Ends Vernon Davis and Jordan Reed will be out…this is going to be a mess. It’s a lot of points but the Pats will cover.

Jacksonville Jaguars + 3.5 over Carolina Panthers. The legend of Minshew mania is running wild. The Jaguars QB is not putting up huge numbers but he’s doing what it takes to keep the Jags in games. Panthers QB Kyle Allen wasn’t great last week but did enough to keep his team in the game as they eventually beat the Texans. RBs will play a big role in this game. No one can slow Christian McCaffrey’s multi-faceted game but Leonard Fournette is on fire and the Panthers give up 4.8 YPC. Jaguars keep this one close and cover the 3.5.

Philadelphia Eagles – 13.5 over New York Jets. The Eagles are simply a much better team than the Jets right now. The Jets’ biggest weapon this week is Le’Veon Bell and you can’t run on the Eagles who’ve given up just 2.85 YPC this season. The Eagles are 4-0 ATS after coming off a victory in their last four games, but 0-6 ATS in their last six home games versus a team with a losing road record. I’m hoping the first trend plays out this week and the Eagles come out swinging early and build up a big lead. They’ll win and I’ll take the chance that they’ll cover the big spread.

Chicago Bears – 4.5 over Oakland Raiders. The Bears don’t lose much on offense with Chase Daniel replacing Mitch Trubisky. As long as Daniel doesn’t try to do too much and attempt to win this game on his own the Bears should be fine. They still have one of the premier defenses in football and I have feeling that this will be David Montgomery’s breakout game. Bears offense will score enough and their defense will keep the Raiders in check. Bears cover.

New York Giants +5 over Minnesota Vikings. On paper the Vikings should easily cover this game and they should be super motivated coming off of a loss, but QB Danny Dimes has got this Giants team playing inspired football and they should keep it close. The G-men get Golden Tate back this week which should be a plus. The fact that the Vikings might throw the ball more this week against a soft Giants secondary is a bit scary, but maybe the dissension in the Vikings locker room could translate to the field and work in the Giants favor. Vikings will win, but the Giants will cover.

Gary’s Picks @garyhaddow1

Baltimore Ravens -3.5 over Pittsburgh Steelers. I’m not sure if the Steelers are very good, and with Mason Rudolph passing the ball 3-5 yards at a time I’m not sure the Steelers can keep up with the Ravens offense. The Ravens need a bounce back game after getting demolished by the Browns last week. I think this allows them to get right and blow up the Steelers on the road.

Chicago Bears -4.5 over Oakland Raiders. The Bears may have a competent offense under Chase Daniels, and if they have even an average offense then this team is terrifying to play. Their defense is too good to bet against, especially when they are facing Derek Carr and the Raiders. Admittedly  the Raiders looked good against the Colts, but the Bears are a completely different team than the Colts.

Minnesota Vikings -5 over New York Giants. I’m of the belief that the Vikings will get Kirk Cousins going at some point as they need to have a more balance offense to be able to compete against the big boys of the NFL. The Giants are not in the big boy club, and provide a great chance to have Cousins air it out. Cook, Thielen, and Diggs should feast on the Giants defense, and similarly the Vikings defense should feast on Daniel Jones and his inexperience. Even if Saquon “I’m a cyborg” Barkley inexplicably comes back from high ankle sprain I don’t see the Giants staying within a touchdown of the Vikings

Houston Texans -4.5 over Atlanta Falcons. After the loss to the Panthers Deshaun Watson went back on the field and threw passes for four hours. He took the loss hard as he was out of sync with his receivers. I will bet on a pissed of Watson to come out guns blazing. It’s not as if the Falcons defense are going to be able to stop the Texans. Also, Watt and Merciless will be in the backfield all day given how injured and bad the Falcons offensive line as played.

San Francisco 49ers -3.5 over Cleveland Browns. As a 49ers Faithful I love being able to see we are undefeated!! While the Browns pose stiffer competition than the Bucs, Bengals, and the Steelers, I think having a bye week to prepare for Chubb, Mayfield, and Beckham should help our chances. This 49ers team may not be the best for fantasy, but with a wide array of weapons death by 1000 cuts should be enough to cover the 3.5 points.

Steve’s Picks @fantasygeek37

Baltimore Ravens -3.5 over Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers just won’t be able to keep up with the Ravens offense. I know this is a fierce rivalry, but Pittsburgh just isn’t the same team without Big Ben and Antonio Brown.

Cincinnati Bengals -3 over Arizona Cardinals. Two winless teams are going head to head in a slobber knocker in Cincinnati. If you couldn’t tell, that statement was dripping with sarcasm. Give me the home team.

New York Giants +5 over Minnesota Vikings. I like what Danny Dimes is doing and it will help him to have a senior presence in Golden Tate returning this week. The turmoil seems to be mounting in Minnesota, so I think the Giants have a good shot at winning this one outright.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers +3.5 over New Orleans Saints. Arians has the offense playing well and maybe Jameis Winston really is the quarterback that Tampa has been hoping for. This has the makings of a close game, so give me the team who is getting the points.

Denver Broncos +6.5 over Los Angeles Chargers. The Chargers aren’t good enough to be touchdown favorites in a Divisional game. Chargers win but it’s a close one.



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