Five Game Parlay: Week 6
It was another week where everyone was hovering around .500 outside of one participant who shall remain nameless (*cough* Ron *cough*). However, with many weeks left to go there is still plenty of time for anyone to turn around their season. Steve was able to get into second place with a 3-2 and now has passed his “little mistake” son Sawyer. But still embarrassing he is that close to a four year old. I kept my spot on top, and Patrick is getting very close now to the triumvirate at the top and has really worked to get within shouting distance of the top.
Week 6 is upon us, and not only are the standings and last week’s results below, everyone’s picks are right following.
Ryan 13-11-1 (2-3)
Steve 12-12-1 (3-2)
Sawyer 12-13 (2-3)
Patrick 10-15 (3-2)
Ron 7-18 (1-4)
Denver Broncos -12 over New York Giants. So now that the Giants passing game is absolutely decimated by injury, it could be just as bad as their running game. Couple that with the fact that they are playing one of the better, faster, defenses in the NFL and this one looks like a disaster in the making for the G-Men. Look for Denver to slap the Giants around like the proverbial red headed step child.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers -2.5 over Arizona Cardinals. The Bucs are coming off ten days off after nearly beating the Patriots last Thursday night and they will play a Cardinals team that is struggling on offense. They traded for Adrian Peterson, but I don’t think that is enough to get them back on track. Look for Jameis Winston and Doug Martin to do enough to have the Bucs win this one by a touchdown.
Green Bay Packers -3.5 over Minnesota Vikings. No Bradford, no Cook, and no Diggs doesn’t make for a good shot that the Vikings are able to stay with the Packers. Adam Theilen has been very good, but I don’t think he is enough to keep up with Aaron Rodgers who is lighting up the scoreboard lately. The Cheeseheads should prevail easily in this one.
Los Angeles Rams +2.5 over Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jags defense has been impressive at times this year, but I’m not sure that I am ready to believe in them as a favorite. The Rams didn’t fare overly well last week against the Seahawks, but I still love Goff, Gurley, and the Rams receivers and I think they will win this one outright.
New England Patriots -9.5 over New York Jets. They might have the same record, but the Jets have three straight wins against teams that I wouldn’t call heavy hitters. This week they will go against the Patriots after ten days off. I will be shocked if the Pats don’t smack the crap out of the Jets and remind them who the best team in the division is.
Baltimore Ravens (-6.5) over Chicago Bears. Let me get this straight. Mitch Trubisky started his first game on Monday Night Football, and now has a short week of practice for his first "away" game. Being the home team is usually worth around three points in Vegas, so they are basically saying that the Ravens are only about a field goal better than the Bears. Trubisky may be a very nice quarterback in the future and showed a few good things against the Vikings on MNF, but I think he has some growing pains this week as Baltimore wins easily.
San Francisco 49ers (+9.5) over Washington Redskins. I was listening to the VSIN (Vegas Sports Information Network) on Sirius this week and they were saying that the "Sharps" as they call the professional gamblers in Vegas, are all over the Niners this week. San Francisco does have some good building blocks for the future, and if Vegas thinks enough to be putting their money on them, then so do I.
Los Angeles Rams (+2.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars. This one comes down to one thing. I got in a pissing match with some Jacksonville fans on Twitter this week, and now I want to see them get destroyed. Nothing better than the ol "I told you so"!
Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) over Pittsburgh Steelers. Ben Roethlisberger contemplated retirement this offseason and the way he has been playing this year, he may have mentally already shut down. Lev Bell has struggled a bit as well, and with Kansas City being a tough stadium to play in for visitors, I think the Chiefs, and Kareem Hunt, run away with this one by more than a touchdown.
Denver Broncos (-12) over New York Giants. Honestly, I think I would pick the Broncos in this one if they were 25 point favorites. The Giants lost their top four wide receivers to injury last week as well as their punt/kick returners, have a poor offensive line with crappy running backs, and have to travel to Denver to face one of the best defenses in the league. I see no path to victory for the Giants. Denver wins this one 42-0.
I can't believe my dad caught up to me in this competition. I hate him and this competition so much. While I'm at it, I might as well fill you in on a few other things I hate.
Houston Texans (-10) over Cleveland Browns. I hate stinky teeth. There is nothing worse than going up to a kid at preschool and when he or she says hi to me, they melt the hair off of my eyebrows. Savages. When I think of the Cleveland Browns, I just imagine all those people in Cleveland having poor hygiene and I hope they lose. Spend the 25 cents for a stinkin' toothbrush...
Denver Broncos (-12) over New York Giants. I hate Ben McAdoo. I think he's the worst coach in the NFL and he looks stupid. Go Broncos!
New York Jets (+9.5) over New England Patriots. I hate my sisters. They can be quite the bitches sometimes. Really, I hate all girls. That's why I hate Tom Brady. Jets win.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-2.5) over Arizona Cardinals. As a four year old, I hate any story where I hear about some asshole parent beating their kid. The Arizona Cardinals just traded for Adrian Peterson and I still have a switch ready for when AP and I meet, and I'm going to show him what the receiving end of the paddle feels like.
Los Angeles Chargers (+3) over Oakland Raiders. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of a big deal. I demand a lot of attention and someday, I'm going to be a superstar. Until then, I will continue hating the working class. I like the bright lights of Los Angeles better than the city of Oakland who is inhabited only by garbage men and people who scrape dead possums off the road.
Detroit Lions +5 over New Orleans Saints. First, I'll be a huge homer and pick my Lions to bounce and not only cover, but win. I'm drinking the secondary Kool-Aid and Brees is going to have to dump them short, and Rookie LB Jarrod Davis will crush.
Kansas City Chiefs -4.5 over Pittsburgh Steelers. After the dismantling Jacksonville gave the Shower Curtain last week, I'm not sure Butt Rape Ben can handle the Harvey Weinstein thrashing the Chiefs could offer up at home, give me KC.
Miami Dolphins +11.5 over Atlanta Falcons. I'm really liking all the points the Dolphins are getting, even with the Falcons coming off the bye. Miami is getting way too many points, these are professionals who should be able to keep it close. Even with Miami's leaking secondary, I'll still take the Fins.
Baltimore Ravens +6.5 over Chicago Bears. Baltimore is going to give Rookie QB Mitch Trubisky his welcome to the NFL present and should make light work of the young Bears team. Lock of the Week for the Ravens at home.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers -2.5 over Arizona Cardinals. And finally this is the Week I’ve been hoping for out of the Bucs offense? I’m going to say yes, and what I feel will be a hopeful shootout..Bucs cover.
Green Bay Packers -3.5 over Minnesota Vikings. This is a game I’ll be watching very closely on Sunday for a couple reasons. First off, I have Jordy Nelson, Ty Montgomery (questionable) and Stefon Diggs (out) on my fantasy roster. Second, I think this game has the potential to be the game of the week. While both teams are currently dealing with injuries, the Packers find themselves atop the NFC North at 4-1 with the Vikings only a game back at 3-2. I’ve always found division games very interesting, regardless of which division or teams are playing. I’ve also learned over the years to never doubt Aaron Rodgers. Last week was no exception. With only 11 seconds on the clock number 12 threw the game winning touchdown pass to Davante Adams showing the world that even 11 seconds is too much time to give him when the game is on the line.
Los Angeles Rams +2.5 over Jacksonville Jaguars. I’m not the kind of person to hold a grudge. I truly believe it is better to forgive and forget than to hold on to negative emotions and carry them with you in life. That being said, my Steelers were embarrassed by the Jaguars last week and I want the Jaguars to lose the rest of their games for the rest of the season! I can forgive, I just can’t forget! While I’m not going to go out of my way and pick Jacksonville’s opponents to win every week like I do the Steelers, this pick is nothing more than a bit of wishful thinking. The Rams are off to a great start this season so I don’t think them winning is out of the realm of possibility; I just want to do my best C. Montgomery Burns impression as I watch them beat up on the Jags. (Mr. Burns voice) Excellent.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers -2.5 over Arizona Cardinals. Winston is coming off of his third straight 300+ yard game. He’s not only a threat in the air but also on the ground. The Cardinals defense on the other hand allowed the Philadelphia Eagles to score 34 points last week. No in-depth insight here, I just like the Bucs in this one.
New York Giants +12 over Denver Broncos. Odell Beckham Jr: Done for the season. Brandon Marshall: Done for the season. Sterling Shepard: Out. Paul Perkins: Questionable. And that’s ONLY on the offensive side of the ball! The Giants’ roster is badly beat up and I truly feel there is no salvaging this season. “Then Ron, why did you pick the Giants this week?” Great question reader; I picked them this week because they have their backs against the wall with a 0-5 start to the season AND they nothing more to lose. Everyone expects them to lose the rest of their games this season but I don’t think that’s the case. 12 points are a lot of points to be giving up. The Giants might not win this game but I believe that their pride as professional athletes won’t allow them to lose this game by that many points.
Pittsburgh Steelers +4.5 over Kansas City Chiefs. (Heavy sigh) Ok, we all know what happened to the Steelers last week. Five interceptions, two of which were pick sixes and a whole week of Ben telling the media maybe he doesn’t have it anymore. On top of that, they’ll now travel to Kansas City to face the only undefeated team left in the league. I’d be lying to you if I said this was going to be an easy win for the Steelers, but what kind of fan would I be if I didn’t think my team could win every game. Ben still has Bell and he still has Brown and together I think they can lead the rest of the team to the upset of the season and walk out of KC with the win.