Five Game Parlay: Week 7


We are now more than a third of the way through the season and I have to say that we aren’t doing very well. However, the fun part about it is that the standings are still close which makes this still great. Which one of the four of us will do the least bad? Hahaha, that’s what it’s been through six weeks. There is still plenty of time for one of us to make a run at .500 though so let’s get to the standings and the picks.

Standings

Joe 14-16 (3-2)
Drake 14-16 (3-2)
Ryan 12-17-1 (1-4)
Polka 12-17-1 (0-5)
Steve 10-18-2 (0-5)

Joe’s Picks

Tennessee Titans + 6 ½ over the Los Angeles Chargers. The Titans’ offense stinks but their defense has been pretty good. They’re playing in London so there’s no real home team in this game, but the Chargers will be playing the equivalent of a 6:30 a.m. game. (9:30 a.m. EST start time minus the three hours of Pacific Coast time that they’re used to, get it?). Chargers start off sluggish but end up winning, but it’ll be by less than 6 ½ points.

Detroit Lions -3 over Miami Dolphins. It’s October, not Brocktober. Brock Osweiler will self-destruct this week. Matt Patricia has been working his team very hard this season, to the point where they’ve grown to resent him. I can’t see them showing any of the rust that other teams exhibit when they come out of their bye weeks, because if they do, Patricia will have the Lions players running laps. The Lions win in Miami.

Houston Texans +5 over the Jacksonville Jaguars. I’m a bit uncomfortable taking the Jags after they swept the season series against the Texans in 2017. This season the Texans have won three straight, and the Jags have lost two straight. The Jags need this game, and their trade for Carlos Hyde shows just how much.  Although the Jaguars won their two games against the Texans last season by a wide margin, these division rivalry games tend to be close. The Jaguars will win but the Texans will do their best to avenge their winless 2017 season against the Jags. They’ll come close but the Jags will squeak out a three point victory in this one.

Los Angeles Rams -10 ½ over the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers are coming off of a short work week in which they came so close to beating the Packers. That has to be demoralizing. Give them the oft mentioned participation trophy and watch them get steamrolled by the Rams this week. Logic would have me take the 49ers. They’re home, the Rams have won their last two games by a total of five points, but hey, I’m no Vulcan. I know Cooper Kupp is out but the Rams have plenty of other weapons to use against Fighting Chance Ryan’s 49ers. Sorry Ryan but the Rams beat the 49ers 31-7.

New York Giants +6 over the Atlanta Falcons. Saquon Barkley will have a Todd Gurley kind of day. Three TDs, catch a bunch of passes…The Giants will have had just about a week and a half to prepare for this game. Owner John Mara, doesn’t like speaking to the media about his football team and when he does you know that he’s angry. The Giants will react to the fact that Mara is taking interest in the day to day operations of his football team. They will show up for this game. Odell Beckham might even shut up and do what the Giants are paying him to do…that is if Lil Wayne is OK with that. Giants cover.

Drake’s Picks

Los Angeles Chargers -6.5 over Tennessee Titans.  Give me the team with no home, no fans, no reason to be as good as they are.  It would be so fitting the Chargers make a deep run and win the Super Bowl a year when literally nobody outside of fantasy owners cares about them.

Atlanta Falcons -6 over New York Giants. I love the Falcons at home to blow out a reeling Giants team.  Julio finally scores.  Ito Smith goes for 100 yards.  Even the new kicker gets in on the act and crushes a 50 yarder.  Give me the dirty birds to cover.

Minnesota Vikings -3 over New York Jets.  Vikings will win this game by a touchdown.  The 3 is easy money.  Both Vikings WR's score and Lat Murray gets you 75 yards and a touch in the NJ swamp.

New Orleans Saints +2 over Baltimore Ravens. I like the Saints to win outright over Baltimore.  Mark Ingram adds a different dimension to this offense and nobody can defend Alvin Kamara.  Give me the Saints to pull the upset.

Buffalo Bills +6.5 over Indianapolis Colts. The Bills are a 6 1/2 point dog on the road and Derek Anderson just isn't having that.  The old horrible gun slinger connects with Kelvin Benjamin or his ghost for a long TD.  The Bills won't win, but only lose by a field goal.

Ryan’s Picks

Minnesota Vikings -3 over New York Jets. The Jets are riding high with two wins but they were both home games against not very good teams. The Vikings haven’t been what I thought they would be, but they are sure better than the Colts or Broncos. It wouldn’t be the same old Jets if they were to win this one, so I expect them to come back to Earth and blow this one.

Los Angeles Chargers -6.5 over Tennessee Titans. I mistakenly picked against the Chargers last week, but I continue to pick against Tennessee. The Titans are a shitbag team, and I still like Los Angeles. Philip Rivers is FAR superior to the awful Marcus Mariota, and Melvin Gordon is playing like an MVP. Give me the Chargers in a laugher.

New England Patriots -3 over Chicago Bears. I’m not 100% confident on this won, but when I need a game to pick, I always go with the Patriots. Tom Brady is on his game, and the Bears defense didn’t look great giving up over 350 yards to fucking Brock Osweiler. When in doubt, bet on Tom Brady, even on the road. Khalil Mack might not even play, give me the Pats.

Dallas Cowboys +1.5 over Washington Redskins. The ‘Boys blew out the Jags last week and while I don’t feel they are that good, I don’t think Washington is very good at all either. Zeke should be enough to win this game for the Cowboys.

Houston Texans +5 over Jacksonville Jaguars. It has been a tough season for the Texans to this point, but the Jags defense hasn’t been as good as advertised and I still love Watson and Hopkins. The running situation in Jacksonville is a rough one and I think Houston wins outright but if not will keep it close enough to cover.

Polka’s Picks

Los Angeles Chargers -6.5 over Tennessee Titans. I’m really liking the Chargers this weekend, not only to cover, but to flat out win.  Both teams jump across the pond and try to convert those wankers in London to American Football, which will never happen, but keep wasting money Commish.  The Chargers flew across country last week to Cleveland, and the Titans defense doesn’t have enough to stop Phil, Mel, Keenan, and the Williams twins(they’re not really twins) except in letting me down one week after the other, and I’m always picking the wrong week. Pound a Sixer of Newcastle and take the Chargers to cover the 6 ½ -

New England Patriots -3 over Chicago Bears. I know the Bears are changing the minds of North America since the insertion of Mack into their once putrid defense, but have they gotten so good that the almighty New England Patriots are only favored by three?  Crazy right, not a chance in my world, which is often pharmaceutically enhanced, but still, this is the greatest team in some young NFL fans lifetime, and the always in pursuit Father Time hasn’t caught Tom Brady yet, and won’t in the Chicago this weekend, but he is coming, and hopefully Sony Michel’s youth will scare Death off for the time being.Give me the Patriots and the 3 spot .

Houston Texans +5 over Jacksonville Jaguars. So far this season, the self-proclaimed greatest defense of all time Jags haven’t shown me shit, and Houston has the weapons to create havoc on the road in Jacksonville.  I love the Jags even more now that they shit-canned those God awful black/gold helmets, but they need to get all their ducks in a row, and just letting Fournette heal may benefit them in the long run of things.  This week though, I want the Texans and the 5 they’re getting on the road in this AFC South clash if the middleweights where three of the four teams sit at 3-3, sorry Indy.

Cincinnati Bengals+6 over Kansas City Chiefs. In what seems to be the game of the week we have the Bungals headed to Kansas City to try and beat the Chiefs, and the next Marino, Favre, P. Manning, Elway, Montana, and Steve Young all in one Patrick Mahomes.  The Chiefs are favored by six, and this is a real good test for both teams to see if the record supports the validity of hype train jargon.  Is Andy Dalton going to collapse into a mass pile of jelly as he often does when things get tough for this Ginger, or will he finally grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus?  With Joe Mixon back and Vontaze Burfict not done threatening every offense player in the NFL yet, I’m taking Cincy to cover the 6 on the road.  

Philadelphia Eagles -4.5 over Carolina Panthers. Lastly, the Super Bowl Champions, finally with all their pre-season dinged and mashed up players returning, the Iggles may have turned the corner and are now ready to fully prove the doubters wrong and make a repeat happen.  First things first though and that’s the Panthers heading to the City of Brotherly Love for a possible playoff match-up.  Philly is favored by 4 ½ and that exactly what I’m going for.  The Eagles have looked impressive and I think even with Greg Olsen back that Philly will handle their biznass and send the Panthers out on a rail.  

Steve’s Picks

Los Angeles Chargers (-6.5) over Tennessee Titans. I suck at this contest, so honestly, I’m picking the Chargers because I like Melvin Gordon and because Pro Football Focus predicted that the Chargers will cover. That way if I’m wrong, it’s their fault.

Buffalo Bills (+6) over Indianapolis Colts. The Bills have held their last four opponents to under 22 points and that included good offenses like Minnesota, Green Bay and Houston. With their passing game in shambles, I expect the Bills to run the ball a lot, and that could make this game a low-scoring affair in which the Bills could have a good chance to cover or possibly even win outright.

Houston Texans (+5) over Jacksonville Jaguars. Jacksonville’s defense is not playing like they did last season and that could mean good things for Deshaun Watson, DeAndre Hopkins and company. Division games are usually tough so I think Houston has a very good shot at covering the five-point spread.

Los Angeles Rams (-10.5) over San Francisco 49ers. Ten and a half points is a lot for a point spread in the NFL, but one nice thing we’ve learned about Sean Mcvay is that he’s not afraid to take his foot off the pedal once they have a lead. San Francisco is coming off a tough loss where they were in Green Bay on Monday Night, so the travel back home with a short week to prepare leads me to think they may be a little flat on Sunday. Flat like Joe Gallina’s feet. I can’t believe he’s leading this thing so far…

New York Giants (+6) over Atlanta Falcons. Whatever the over/under in this game is, I’m going with the over as I think this one could come down to the last possession. Look, I realize Eli sucks, but even he can have a great game against the Falcons defense, right???

 

 


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